


Haphephopia

by mugiwaragrl



Series: Hetalia Human AU [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Drama, M/M, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-23
Updated: 2013-02-22
Packaged: 2017-11-26 16:54:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/652424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mugiwaragrl/pseuds/mugiwaragrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>- set two and a half years before Pulse -</p><p>Lovino decided to work extra hours one day. And that was the day that fucked up his world. To top it off, his best friend has been acting weird lately...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Lovino typed restlessly on his computer. It was dark in the room, with the only light being his laptop screen, since it was already very late, and he was the only one there. But apparently, this was what he got for procrastinating so much.

He sighed in relief as he finally finished and sent the file, and looked at the clock - it was a little past midnight, Feliziano would already be home for the weekend, and probably mad at him again... He decided to go to the bathroom before leaving, since it was a long drive home.

Entering the men's restroom, he thought about what excuse he would tell Feliziano - when suddenly, he was grabbed by the waist and mouth from behind, immobilizing him. Lovino yelped and struggled against the grip, but the man was too strong for him.

"Oh, Lovino," the man purred in his ear, his cold, hoarse voice chilling Lovino to the bone. "You don't know how long I've been waiting for this perfect chance." He roughly pushed Lovino against the bathroom wall, pinning his arms in front of him, which allowed him to gag him with his tie.

"WHAT THE- mph!" Lovino desperately tried to protest, but even if he was acting brave, immense fear was quickly taking over him.

Suddenly, he felt a needle pierce the skin of his neck. He squirmed against the man, never ceasing his attempts to free himself. Strangely, he felt the strength gradually draining from his limbs. In a few seconds, his efforts weakened drastically, and he went almost limp, barely able to stand.

"Now, that's more like it, huh?" the man said with an audible smirk, removing the needle from his neck.

_What... does he want?_ Lovino thought fearfully. _What is he gonna do to me now...?_

The man abruptly pulled his hips backwards and reached around him to fumble with his pants button, then pulled his pants down along with his boxers. Eyes widening, Lovino let out muffled protests and tried once again to free himself - futile attempts, since his limbs were very weak. The man suddenly jerked him around to face him, and landed a heavy blow on Lovino's jaw.

"You might want to keep quiet," he spat.

Lovino tasted blood in his mouth, but kept cursing his lungs out.

"Need more? Alright with me!" Another punch, this one on Lovino's stomach, knocked the air out of him. He barely had the chance to breathe as several more fists beat him restlessly, sending shocks of piercing agony in his body.

By the time they were over, Lovino was barely able to stand. Tears rolled down his cheeks, and his legs bucked and he slid to the floor, but the man grabbed a handful of his hair and forcibly pulled him up, facing the wall again, and Lovino groaned in pain. Then the man literally ripped his shirt off, and he gasped at the contact of the cold tiles with his battered skin.

Something suddenly pressed between his cheeks and poked his hole, and his eyes widened as he realized what it was. The man held his arms in a lock behind his back.

Then he thrust.

Lovino cried in agony against the gag, the immense pain of being stretched in this way was was something new, something he had never expected. But the man slammed the side of his head against the wall, opening a wound. Barely conscious, Lovino didn't even have the strength to scream anymore.

Without giving him a chance, the man mercilessly pounded into him, occasionally hitting a spot inside him that would send white-hot pain all over his body, yet Lovino could only twitch and yelp. He could feel the dry friction of the man's member sliding in and out of him, and tears of humiliation fell down his face, feeling disgusted not only at the man, but also at himself.

It was too much. Lovino's consciousness started slipping. Everything was becoming blurry, even the pain.

Only vaguely did he feel the man unexpectedly pull out and release him, making him fall to the floor limp.

" _R-Romano?!_ " he heard a familiar voice call, drawing closer.

He caught a blurry glimpse of Antonio's horrified expression before he passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woot my first rated E fic (on here at least e-e) ....and it's a rape fic. suuuuureeeee //shot. ohwell what can i say~? i still don't know if i regret anything ^^''
> 
> byyyy the way, i was a little unsure about posting it, because i've been working on it for several months and still haven't finished it ^^; so updates miiiight or might not take a while~


	2. Chapter 2

Gradually, Lovino felt himself returning. Without opening his eyes, he noticed he was in a foreign bed. He suddenly felt strong pain in diverse parts of his body, and bandages that covered most of the areas. How had he ended up here, and with all this pain? Everything concerning last night seemed blurry...

_"... Sí... Ajá... Si necesitan algo más, me llaman o mandan al oficial..."_ Someone spoke beside him - it was Antonio's voice, the only one with that unmistakable Spanish with an accent, though its usual dreaminess was lacking.

Slowly, Lovino fluttered his eyes open. It was still dark. The but the light in the room was on, illuminating the Spaniard sitting on a chair beside the bed, talking on the phone. Catching sight of Lovino, he hung up and leaned forward.

"Lovino! Thank god!" he beamed. "I was afraid of when you would wake up! How are you feeling?"

Bleary-eyed, Lovino noticed that Antonio was fully dressed except for his for his torso, where he only had a tank top undershirt. He looked downwards at himself, and noticed that Antonio's missing shirt was the one he was wearing. Why?

He briskly sat up, which he found out was an awful idea because his head and rear suddenly started hurting like hell.

"Whoa! Don't force yourself!" Antonio said. He held his shoulder to gently help him lie down again, but Lovino flinched away from him, though he wasn't sure why.

Suddenly, the memories from last night hit him all at once. He remembered entering the bathroom, he remembered being ambushed, he remembered being beaten, and he remembered, most of all...

Tears welled up on his eyes as he looked in the distance, stunned.

Antonio looked down, his smile disappearing. After a long, solemn silence, he finally spoke. "I reported the man," he murmured. "Also, I didn't take you to the hospital, since I knew you wouldn't like it, so I treated you myself..." He sighed. "An officer or agent will drop by in the morning..."

Lovino looked down and nodded, still not quite accepting what had happened. He sniffled, a tear dropped on the sheet. "Lovi..." was all Antonio could say.

He started to sob loudly and covered his face with his hands, tormented by the fact that he had been so vulnerable, so weak, that he had been actually raped by a man. He repeatedly gasped for air as the tears incessantly stormed out of his eyes, wetting his face and hands. Lovino slumped back down on the bed, clutching his face, the physical pain caused by moving now smothered by overflowing emotions.

"Lovi... I'm so sorry..." Antonio murmured, though he knew it was useless. He tried to reach for the other's shoulder, but as soon as they touched, Lovino jerked away from him and curled up with his back to him, trying to cry himself to oblivion. If only he would've gotten there earlier, as soon as Feliciano had told him that Lovino was working late, maybe this wouldn't have happened.

_Lovi, what you've been forced to go through..._ Antonio thought in pity. _And just when I thought I could confess..._


	3. Chapter 3

Lovino woke up again at midday, this time it didn't take long for him to recall. If he ever thought he would feel better with time, he was wrong; the humiliation and pain were even worse.

He heard voices in another room. Turning his head, he saw that Spain was in the living room, and talking to someone else, his face obscured by the bedroom wall.

His eyes widened. Had Antonio actually brought someone while he was in this state?! It was already enough that he had to see him like this!

Slowly and carefully, he crawled out of the bed sheets as to not alert Antonio or his friend. He tried not to rely much on sitting, though, and relied heavily on his weakened arms. He silently places his feet on the floor, supported himself on the night stand, and feebly stood up - for about two seconds before his legs bucked.

Lovino fell down, bringing the small table with him. Hearing the noise, Antonio quickly excused himself from the living room and rushed to the bedroom.

"Lovino!" he exclaimed worriedly as he arrived, kneeling in front of him. Lovnio just avoided his eyes and attempted to stand up. "Lemme help you."

The older man straightened up the night stand, and before he could do anything about it, Antonio grabbed him under the arms and pulled him to stand up. He suddenly gasped and jerked away from the man, stumbling and falling on his back on the bed.

For a second, everything remained still, staring at each other. Lovino stared confused; not at Antonio, but at himself. Why had he reacted like that? He knew perfectly well that Antonio would be incapable of causing him any harm, so why did it seem like an instinctive action? On the other hand, the Spaniard's expression was not what he would have expected. He wasn't surprised, not even confused. He seemed... sad. But there was something else in his eyes. Was that... pity?

"May I come in?" The silence was broken by the man in the living room, standing up expectantly, and Lovino snapped out of it and quickly covered his face with the blankets in embarrassment.

"Lovino," Antonio murmured, almost whispered, but he could hear him well. "He's the one in the police that was assigned to the case. I specially requested him, because he's a childhood friend and can be trusted. Do you want to let him in?"

Lovino slowly let the blankets fall so that his eyes peeked out, and hesitantly nodded.

Spain turned around and addressed the man with a smile suddenly on his face. "Sure, come in," he said kindly.

The man walked into the room, and Lovino could see him better. He was average height, had short blonde hair, green eyes, and bushy eyebrows, and he was dressed too formally for a cop, in his opinion. Lovino thought he had seen him somewhere before.

"Hello," he greeted with a heavy British accent. "I'm agent Arthur Kirkland."

Agent. A corner of Lovino's mind absently wondered if he wasn't too high in rank to be in a case like this.

Antonio gave him his seat beside the bed and grabbed another chair for himself. "Vincent Allan was arrested last night as soon as he regained conscious. I myself handcuffed his wrists." He cleared his throat. "Even so, Antonio," he turned towards him. "It was unnecessary to leave him comatose on the bathroom floor."

Lovino stared at Antonio, who apologized, but his eyes didn't show a single trace of remorse. He had gone to that end, for him...?

"Anyways," the agent continued. "The man confessed immediately after he woke up, since he had a pre-existent mental condition - he will most likely be taken to a mental facility without much of a complicated trial. However," he straightened his tie nervously. "It is customary to have testimony from the victim."

Romano looked like a cornered kitten, scared of doing something which would most likely make him relive the horrid events of the night, barely twelve hours after it happened.

"Arthur, if I may say something," Antonio put in, and then addressed Lovino. "Lovi, you do plan on getting over this, right?"

Lovino nodded.

"Then, would it help if I told you, talking about it with someone is the first step to recovery?"

Lovino stared at both men, eyes wide in fear. Yet, the more he thought it through, the more it made sense. He slowly nodded, and for the first time since the event, he spoke, "I-I'll do it."

Agent Kirkland took out a small recorder from his coat pocket and placed it on the table. Turning it on, he addressed Lovino. "Mr. Vargas, what happened last night?"

Lovino breathed in deeply. "I..." he started. His heart pounded in his chest, very much aware of what he was about to do. "I was working late last night..." he said with a small voice, looking determinedly at the floor. "I-I got up to go to the bathroom, and then the man... Vincent Allan... he pushed me against the bathroom wall..." It was getting more difficult for him to speak, an elaborate knot forming in his throat. "H-He injected something into my neck... I lost my strength... Then he pulled off my clothes a-and..."

An unwelcome tear rolled down his cheek. "H-He raped me." The atmosphere in the room visibly saddened. "V-Vincent Allan violently raped me..." Lovino sniffled. Suddenly, his expression hardened, and he briskly wiped the tear off his face. "W-Was that enough?" he snapped.

Agent Kirkland nodded and stashed the recorder. "Thank you very much for your cooperation, Lovino," he said, standing up. "I know how hard it is to talk about this, you're a brave person."

Antonio guided him to the exit. Lovino saw them exchange a few last words, and the agent handed him a small paper before he left. Antonio closed the door and went back to the room, sitting beside Lovino with a sigh.

"What did he give you?" Lovino murmured, avoiding his eyes.

"This?" the other said, fidgeting with the small card in his hands. "It's a psychologist's business card, Arthur recommended her."

Lovino cringed - he wouldn't want to talk about the event again anytime soon. Antonio seemed to notice this, and quickly added, "B-But not now, only when you're ready."

Romano nodded in acknowledgement and grabbed the card. It read:

_**Elizaveta Hedervary  
Trauma Therapy**_

He frowned at the thought that he was considered weak enough to need this, but he had to admit that the experience could indeed be considered a trauma. He failed to notice Antonio's expression darken.

"Can I try something?" the older man said monotonously.

Lovino's eyes narrowed. "L-Like what?"

Antonio didn't respond. Very slowly, he stretched out his hand towards Lovino's flushed face. Lovino briefly felt the warmth of his hand hovering above his cheek, before it landed. The contact lasted for a millisecond before he felt a sudden burning pain at the contact, and jerked away from him with a yelp.

Yet upon bringing his hand to his own cheek, Lovino found no sign of burns. In fact, now that he thought of it, there had been no pain at all. It was almost as if his brain had commanded him to feel it.

Antonio took back his hand, his expression stoic.

"W-What just happened...?" Lovino mumbled, as if Antonio would know the answer to his own reaction.

Surprisingly, he did. "This confirms our suspicions," he murmured. "As he was leaving, Arthur warned me you'd probably develop this condition, and I told him I suspected it too," he said gloomily.

Lovino's eyes widened. "What... What is this condition?"

Antonio looked into his eyes, and now he could clearly see the sadness in them. "Haphephobia." He stood up and slowly walked out of the room. "The fear of human contact," he said as he disappeared through the doorframe, Lovino too shocked to notice his watering eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well i think this could be called a filler. but i needed a break from what just happened and what will follow //shot

Lovino spent the following week in Antonio's house. More precisely, in his bed. He couldn't find the will to pull himself out of it. He barely had any sleep, since flashbacks of the event haunted him every second he tried to, and when he did, his dreams consisted of vivid revivals of it. And Antonio was acting so damn insensitive, with that optimistic smile of his always on his face. It was like he wouldn't know something was wrong unless it happened in front of him. But at least it had its bright side, since the cheerfulness prevented Lovino from breaking down in tears every second.

Eventually, he was well enough to stand up and walk on his own, and he was able to go to his own house. By then, his lack of will had been disguised with plain very bad mood and a very short temper. As long as no one mentioned the event... 

It was a challenge getting him safely to his room without his brother suddenly hugging him. They came up with the story that he had been beaten up by a gang when he resisted their mugging, which they told everyone else that didn't need to know what really happened that night - including Feliziano.

His boss, Basch Zwingli, unfortunately didn't budge under the story, so Lovino had to tell him the truth, which resulted in an immediate change of attitude and two more weeks of rest. He did pressure him to go see the psychologist, Elizaveta, as soon as possible, 'for his own good'. Antonio took the liberty to make him an appointment.

And so, the day after he had returned home, Lovino found himself reluctantly entering and academic-looking building, where Miss Hedervary was supposed to have her office. He had to wait very little for his appointment, and soon he was shown into a spacey room furnished with a modern, black-and-white desk, some black shelves with books, a wine-colored rug, red and white poufs, and most of all, large, wall to wall windows that showed a large backyard. He allowed himself to slump on a red pouf, looking around the bright room.

The door to the room opened, and a woman made her way into the room and to the desk, without looking at him much. She was short and thin, she had long, pale brown hair, and soft features. She looked just a little older than him. She grabbed a clipboard from the desk and turned to him with a gentle smile. "Lovino, aren't you?" she said kindly.

Lovino nodded, still in the worst of moods.

Elizaveta sat on a white pouf in front of him. "You look just like your brother," she said, oddly fondly. "I knew Feli when he was little."

"Uh huh..." he said absently, not in the least bit interested.

"So, I assume you're both very different, yes?"

Lovino sighed impatiently. "Look, I wanna get this over with. Forgive my directness, but would you just get to the point already?"

"No," she simply said, her smile never vanishing nor losing kindness.

His eyes widened. "Excuse me, what?"

"I said no, I can't go straight to the point." Her capability on keeping the sweetness in her voice and smile real was impressing. "It won't be good for you if I do."

Lovino scoffed. "Try me."

Her expression changed from a kind smile to a disbelieving smirk. "Very well then." She dropped her pen and leaned back on the pouf. "Lovino, tell me; what were your thoughts while you were being brutally beaten and raped by a mentally unstable man in the middle of your workplace?"

And that was what made his bubble of neglect pop.

He froze, staring at her vacantly. All the memories from that night replayed in his head over and over. He started shivering, and he held his head in his hands, staring downwards at nothing in particular. His eyes started watering, and he shut them tight to avoid completely tearing up.

"O-Okay," he choked, a knot in his throat. "Y-You win, n-now what?"

Elizaveta sighed. "Do you know why I became a psychologist in the first place?" She let a short pause take place. "Lovi, I was also raped."

Slowly, very slowly, Lovino looked up at her. "You... what...?"

She nodded. "Even worse, when I was just fifteen." Lovino flinched. He wondered if she usually revealed this to all her patients, or if it was because she knew his brother, or how was she keeping her composure so well. "My world crashed down; I was overconfident and used to think of myself as the strongest, and I learned better through the bad way. I hear you developed haphephobia? Well I developed anorexia.

"But guess what? I got over it. Hell, I can even make jokes about it if I want to! But, I was helped. And I want to be that person that helps you. Will you let me?"

Lovino considered. This was a person who shared his pain, who went through a similar experience, and offered to help him. Would he give in to her welcoming arms?

Hesitantly, he nodded.

Elizaveta smiled. "Then you've gotta trust my methods, yes?"

Again, he nodded.

She leaned forward again and grabbed her pen again. "Oh, and call me Liz. Now Lovi, why don't you tell me a bit about yourself?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no i know nothing about psychology. no i don't care. ~(*^*)~

**Author's Note:**

> Sep/2014 update
> 
> i have both good news and bad news
> 
> the bad news is that this fic is discontinued (no shit lol)
> 
> the good news is that i'm rewriting it :D so it will get re-published before 2015 or during its early months (i'm doing the IB so take it easy on me ;w;)
> 
> Nov/2014 update
> 
> GETTING THERE GUYS
> 
> probably not before 2015 but dEFINITELY GETTING THERE


End file.
